Inbox (Deer Country)

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[opheliac]

haha maybe. 😄

[no_reload]

Drowning tends to be a very personal method of killing. Who are you looking to have drowned on your behalf?

cw: idk what to label this. depression I think.

[opheliac]

no its.

( a pause. )

my old man use to talk about theres peace in water. how everything just... goes away for u.

and i want peace. ive been hurting for as long as i can remember. i try to be optimistic bc ppl want me to be. they say "its ok, jinx. things will get better. ull be happy soon. ppl will like u. ppl will love u. give it time."

but i feel things are just not getting better.

the only time everything stopped was when i died last week. and i thought when i died, i would see my dad. waiting for me. but he wasnt anywhere.


and now im here and everywhere i go, the bear follows me. upset that it died and im here bc im not suppose to be here. its not like i asked to come back. i sacrificed myself to save ppl. i knew what i was doing.

i told wrench that i would stay but this hurts. and idk maybe if im the water, ill see my pops there. he can give me advice. tell me what i need to do, what im suppose to do. i dont want to feel stuck anymore.

[no_reload]

After a certain point in the drowning process, that would be correct. The brain becomes oxygen deprived and fuzzy, which can lead to the sensation of peace.

From personal experience, death is only temporary silence. Deerington and Trench simply reinforces that.

Unfortunately things getting better requires significant assistance through multiple means. This place doesn't have those resources, so the best you can do is surround yourself with people that will support you and keep you from doing too much harm to yourself or others.

Do you want me to see if I can take care of your bear problem?

[opheliac]

how do i tell them? my sis knows and 2 other ppl but only bc they were there. idk how to bring myself on asking? ive tried and i end up panicking.

how would u take care of it? it shows up whenever it wants to show up.

[no_reload]

Take it slow. Don't unload all at once. You have to walk up to line where you don't panic and stop just before it. Or... you ask when someone you love and trust is there to be your support.

I have special... abilities. If that bear is indeed alive, I can find it. If it's alive, I can deal with it. If it's not, then it's a curse from Trench.

[opheliac]

oh ok... ill try that. and i dont think the bear is actually alive. i mean i killed it. its like i see it out my window but when i look away then back, its gone.

[no_reload]

So a hallucination. It should pass with time. Death can have strange effects here, just like Deerington.

[opheliac]

is it... stupid of me to be scared of them now?
i use to not be scared of anything. when it came to animals, i mean. but now... they terrify me.

[no_reload]

No. The absence of fear is far more stupid.

[opheliac]

oh.
srry i came to u w/ all this.
i think im ok now? sorta.

[no_reload]

Don't apologize. Those are wasted; rise above needing them. Own your worth.

And my door is always open.

[opheliac]

thank u.
ill try and get some sleep.

[no_reload]

Rest well then. I won't be sleeping, so if you need something more, come back.

[opheliac]

ok, i will. night 🙂